Stop searching forever?

Today I grabbed a fortune cookie from my bag of cookies I bought last week at HEB... my fortune read "Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you." Hmmm. I wonder what that means. I had just thought, I want a job that I am excited to come to each day! I wonder if the timing meant that they relate to one another?! I randomly picked another cookie later on and got the same quote!

It's a strange thought. I can understand phrasing like "Happiness is all around you, just look with open eyes" or "Happiness is found within." But "Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you"... just next to me? Does that mean stop having tunnel vision (looking forward) and start looking right where I am? I have been dissatisfied at work a lot. It's probably due to my struggle to focus on a task long enough to see some real fruits of my labor. I get distracted so easily (ie-this blog right now--although I am basically done with work for the night now) by other things to do. I tend to feel scattered when I have a lot of projects going on at once yet I get bored if I have too little to do. Well, sometimes that is. Other times it helps me truly focus. I feel good here each time I actually get something finished or am able to add to the value of what we do. My lack of ability to focus when I KNOW I can do the job but just seem to not be very productive frustrates me and makes me feel incompetent.

Many people may see me as very competent... and I can be. Sometimes moreso than others perhaps... but I can't seem to access it---use it--as much as I'd like. I get anxious a lot. Maybe that is related too. This environment is better in so many ways that my previous job. Friendlier people overall... healthier in all aspects too. I have an office that is a mix of private yet open to everyone. I can see outside and even get sunlight in here!! I look forward to someday being much more active and helpful here. I like to make a difference. I pray that something is going to happen to help my ability to think straight so my time at work is more properly used. :-)

Going back to the quote... for now I'll let that mean, surrender to where you are and keep your eyes open. It's already all in place for me to find happiness at work. We'll see what that means as times passes. I'm still confused though... stop searching forever? forever... that's a pretty strange quote! Ah... and the word "just" is implying something too. I'm thinking it means something like it's just around the corner... it's coming VERY soon... it's sooooo close it's just next to me! ha.

The First Post is the Scariest

This is a weird thing... to post my thoughts electronically... I can feel almost a tingle in my arms/hands as I type. I am used to typing my thoughts w/o using much editing or worrying about grammar and now, this may someday be read by others. I will have to forget about that and just use this as a way to figure out some of the things "floating" around in my mind. Clear things up and release them. I'll get used to it.