WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

What's my problem? I am feeling like escaping this job and I don't have anywhere to run to. I have a PR degree yet seem reluctant to use the skills I possess. Is it the company that I work for or is it my coworkers/boss? I am not comfortable with sales and I consider volunteer recruitment sales. Even if something is wonderful and benefited me personally a great deal like Toastmasters did... I still didn't talk others into going. Even if it would (and it definitely would have been) a great asset to them... I still didn't mention it hardly even.

I know that my energy goes up and I get happy when I mention video cameras and all. I think that it's a sign I need to move towards that direction. I have a tendancy to think myself into a spin... like do I stay and try to work out my blocks, problems and try to push thru to get into my job more ... is there a lesson or skills I need to learn before moving on? Or am I best off listening to my feelings and reactions and work harder to leave?

I've never been one to job hop very easily. Look how long it took for me to finally leave CityLink when I was unhappy... Am I just afraid of the tasks that lay before me? Is that fear or fears clouding my mind? I do have an issue with anxiety overall so is that it? Would a magic pill help ease that so I can function at a higher level? I've been working ok overall lately at work and happier because of it. It helps to have a sense of being "at home" in my new place to contribute to a calmer feeling and a clearer head... plus I'm recovering from the move and wearing down.

Part of my just doesn't want to deal with the task. God, I appreciate the job and the paycheck but I'm still not feeling right about being here... please help me and give me clear guidance as to what is my best next step and help calm my fears/concerns so I may act on that guidance. Thank you! Amen.

Dive In -- Sink or Swim

It's been quite a challenge getting myself clearheaded and focused at work. I have a tendancy to think I am either doing something wrong overall and/or have something wrong with me because of this. I heard a great lyric this morning as I turned the radio on. I'm going to try it on (I already wrote it on a sticky note and put it up at work). "Dive In---Sink or Swim"

I think I've been so afraid of failing I haven't been able to be as effective in my work. How annoying! Well, this quote makes me feel a bit of energy that moves me towards action. Like taking on my role at work and really working up and working the plan for volunteer recruitment and training. I want this year to be more about this.... I want to dive into the things I am committed to already and dive into my desires and wishes for the year as well. That's the only way to really live!! I have such a strong practical side to me to temper my wishes enough that I won't drown... just sink a little maybe. I want to go forward stronger in my job, in my creative endeavors, in my videography and editing... with my writing. And even, gulp... with a relationship with a good man.

It's a challenge at times to stay afloat and remember to give things my all with a good attitude but it's a must in order to be more fulfilled and at peace with myself. We'll see what 2005 brings~!